


A Ride to Remember

by mysterioussmiles101



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23678584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterioussmiles101/pseuds/mysterioussmiles101
Summary: Takes place during “The Ex Factor”. What if TJ had been invited to Adrenaline City? Tyrus.
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman & T. J. Kippen, Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	A Ride to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> I would be more than happy to turn this into a collection of snippets of their blossoming relationship if you like my writing style. I’ll probably do this anyway, but if there’s anything specific you’d like to see, please let me know and I’ll credit you if I end up writing it! :) I hope you enjoy this!

“Doesn’t that make you want to come, Jonah?” Buffy asked. She had that glint in her eye, like Jonah had issued her a challenge that she was determined to complete. She rarely didn’t get her way when she had that look in her eyes.

“Jonah’s not coming?” Amber asked surprised. “Are you sure? Because I happen to have two free tickets, and one of them could be yours.”

“Yeah, why not? You guys are right? What’d they say? You can… do homework when you’re dead?” Jonah said with a relaxed smile on his face.

“Actually, I think it’s sleep, but who cares? You’re coming!” Cyrus said excitedly.

“Unexpected twist,” Buffy said, studying Jonah. She found it odd that he’d flipped flopped on his decision, but had a sinking feeling that Amber might have something to do with it. Neither Amber nor Jonah had been their best selves when they had been dating and it would be a disaster if they were back together.

“Okay, I’ll just go change real quick,” Amber said excitedly.

“Hold up for a minute.” Jonah quickly jumped out of his seat and followed Amber, leaving Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus at the table. They watched Jonah and Buffy immediately jumped to what was, in her opinion, the worst conclusion.

“You know what’s going on here, don’t you?” Buffy asked.

“There’s something going on?” Cyrus asked surprised.

“Tell us,” Andi said.

“Jonah and Amber are getting back together.” Buffy said it like she was delivering Earth shattering news.

Cyrus watched them for a moment, a sinking feeling forming in his stomach as something dawned on him.

“Are you okay Cy?” Andi asked.

“Um…” Cyrus said uncertainly.

“You’re not jealous, are you? I mean, we don’t even know for sure and I thought you said you were over your crush,” Buffy said quickly. She hadn’t considered that Andi or Cyrus might get jealous, especially since she’d thought Cyrus clearly had a new crush, even if he hadn’t confided in them yet. Cyrus and TJ had been sickeningly flirty over the last several weeks.

“No, it’s not that.” Cyrus looked at them nervously. “It’s just… now there are five of us.”

“So?” Buffy asked.

“Five means that I’m going to be fifth wheeling. Jonah will sit with Amber. The two of you will sit together. And I’ll be left all by myself, scaring random strangers with my terrified screams,” Cyrus said dramatically.

Part of Buffy wanted to deny that Cyrus would be by himself, but she was suddenly struck by genius. She looked over at Andi and could tell from her excited expression that they’d had the same brilliant thought. “You know…” Buffy started, a smile crossing her face.

“If you’re really worried about being the fifth wheel,” Andi continued.

“You could always invite TJ,” Buffy finished.

Cyrus felt like he was sinking into his chair. “You know what?” He squeaked. “I’m sure TJ is busy. And it’s probably better this way. You know? Less chance that I’ll throw up on someone, right?”

Buffy was surprised. She’d thought Cyrus would jump on the opportunity to see TJ like he usually did. She’d never admit it, but it was actually kind of cute how they acted around each other. She saw a completely different side of Cyrus when he hung out with TJ. It was like, when they were together, Cyrus wasn’t afraid to be himself. “Why don’t you want to invite TJ?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to invite TJ. Who wouldn’t want to invite TJ? I just…” Cyrus looked down at the table. It was embarrassing to admit, even to Andi and Buffy. He hadn’t even started to sort out his confusing feelings for TJ, but he knew him and his feelings did not want TJ to witness how much of a mess he was at amusement parks. “I don’t want him to see me like that.”

“Cyrus – ” Andi started to say.

“That’s ridiculous!” Buffy said. “TJ has seen you attempt to somersault at a gym for little kids. I think the bar is pretty low.”

“I threw up on the Merry-Go-Round,” Cyrus pointed out. “No let me correct that. I freaked out so badly that they had to stop the Merry-Go-Round and then I threw up in my shoe. My bar with TJ may be low, but it’s not that low. He has not seen me expel any bodily fluids and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Well, if you won’t invite him, I guess I’ll have to,” Buffy said. She took out her phone for show. She knew that she wasn’t going to have to press send, she just needed to ruffle his feathers a little so he’d do it himself. “I have his number too, you know. Let’s see. ‘Hi TJ. We’re all going to Adrenaline City this afternoon. Cyrus would love it if you could join us. heart face emoji’… what else should I say?” She waved her phone tauntingly so Cyrus could see she’d actually typed that up.

Cyrus, apparently missed the memo that she was trying to get him to reach out to TJ himself. “No, no, no. You cannot send that to him.”

“I guess someone else will have to invite him then,” Buffy suggested.

Instead of taking the bait, Cyrus reached for Buffy’s phone. He didn’t know why he bothered. Buffy was objectively stronger than him, but that didn’t stop him from engaging in a ten second back and forth with her as he pitifully attempted to steal her phone.

They were laughing so hard by the time she reclaimed her phone, that he almost forgot about the text she had started to type to TJ. That was, until Buffy looked at her phone and all expressions of humor disappeared. “You pressed send.”

Cyrus stared at her. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I’m so sorry. I feel terrible. I really wasn’t going to send it. I thought if I typed it and added that heart face emoji, that would be enough to scare you into texting him. I didn’t know that you were going to grab my phone,” Buffy explained.

“You sent it?” Cyrus asked. He felt like his brain was broken.

“Technically you sent it,” Buffy pointed out.

“We are not turning this around on me. My life is over. What did he say?” Cyrus asked. He wasn’t sure if he wanted TJ to say yes or no. Part of him hoped that TJ would say yes, just because that would mean he wasn’t too busy for Cyrus. But part of him hoped that TJ would say no, because that would mean he wouldn’t see the motion sick, terrified mess Cyrus became on any moving rides.

“It just sent. He probably hasn’t had time to read it, much less answer it yet.”

“He answers very quickly. Check it.”

“Maybe he answers you quickly,” Buffy mutters. She glanced down at her phone. “Or maybe he responds really quickly all the time. He says he’s in. He just wants to know what time. I’ll leave it up to you. What do you want me to say? I can say I meant to text someone else.”

“No,” Cyrus said immediately. “I don’t want him to think…” He cut himself off. He knew his friends would be nothing but supportive, but he didn’t need to be reminded about his crush on TJ if things didn’t pan out the way he wanted them to. So, while he didn’t want TJ to think there would be someone else that Buffy could have meant to send that text to, he also didn’t want his friends to realize that he didn’t want to TJ to think that. “It doesn’t matter. Just tell him we’re heading there now.” Cyrus closed his eyes. “I don’t think there’s enough motion sickness patches in the world to stop what’s about to happen.”

Cyrus wasn’t sure if he was more excited or nervous when he saw TJ leaning against the fence by the entrance waiting for them. He felt like he was going to throw up and he hadn’t even gotten on a ride yet.

He contemplated turning around and leaving, but TJ saw them before he had the chance to. “Underdog,” TJ exclaimed.

Cyrus felt a goofy smile crossing his face, the same smile that crossed his face every time TJ called him that. “Not so scary basketball guy,” he called back. TJ ran towards them and for a moment, Cyrus forgot about how scared he was to be at an amusement park with TJ. TJ put his arm around Cyrus’ shoulder and Cyrus could feel himself relaxing. Surely this couldn’t be too bad. TJ knew him. Cyrus had once sent him a list of his stuff. He knew about Cyrus’ irrational far of flamingos. Maybe this wouldn’t be his breaking point.

TJ bumped Jonah’s fist. “Thanks for the invite guys. I’ve actually been dying to come here, but…” TJ cut himself off.

“But you haven’t exactly been hanging out with your friends since… that day. We’ve noticed,” Buffy said. “We’re glad you came. This will be fun.”

“Who would’ve thought. Buffy Driscoll and TJ Kippen, hanging out and being friends.”

“Friends is a strong word,” Buffy said instinctively. She got a pleading look from Cyrus. “But an accurate one.” She raised her hands defensively as she spoke.

TJ chuckled. “So where do you want to start?” He withdrew his arm as they got their tickets and entered the park. As they played games and joked around, Cyrus almost forgot why he’d been so afraid of inviting TJ. And he was blissfully unaware of the looks Buffy and Andi kept sharing as he and TJ joked around. TJ teased him for being terrible at everything requiring hand-eye coordination. Cyrus called him an athletically inclined freak of nature. It worked for them. He was so consumed by their banter, he was entirely unaware of Buffy’s suspicions about Jonah and Amber. He was unaware of just about everything except for TJ.

That was, until he was strapped into the second cart of a roller coaster with TJ. It dawned on him that he was about to make a terrible mistake. Buffy’s words came back to him. Odds are one of us could be re-tasting our breakfast. Cyrus willed his blueberry pancakes to stay down. He clutched his seatbelt and couldn’t find his voice to beg the attendant to stop the ride before it started to move. He thought it was the great evil of rides that they start slowly and then all at once they speed up and throw you around like you’re a sack of potatoes.

“Are you – ” That was all Cyrus was able to hear from TJ before the ride jolted forward and nothing existed accept the unpleasant churning in his stomach and the sound of the world rushing around him. There was a roar that was a mix of the wind created by the ride and the medley of screams of people across the park. He closed his eyes and begged his mouth to stay shut – both to prevent involuntary vomit and whatever guttural scream was trying to make its way out of him.

Cyrus didn’t realize the ride was over until he felt TJ shake him. “Are you okay? Cyrus? Cyrus?” 

“I’m fine.” Cyrus couldn’t look at him. He tried to stand up and was pulled back down to his seat by his seatbelt. He quickly unbuckled himself and stood up. He quickly assessed himself, but didn’t think he was in immediate danger of throwing up. It seemed like his motion sickness patches were doing the trick.

Cyrus followed the line of people exiting the ride. “Are you sure you’re okay?” TJ put his hand on Cyrus’ shoulder. “You look a little shaky.”

“I’m fine,” Cyrus repeated. Now that he was off the ride, he was actually kind of proud of himself. He shot TJ what he hoped was a winning smile and he thought that TJ looked relieved. Who said that he was bad on roller coasters? He’d made it through one. He could make it through a few more.

The answer came to him as he and TJ sat in a car on a spinning ride. It was him. He was the one that said he couldn’t handle roller coasters. He’d thrown up on a Merry-Go-Round. Of course, he couldn’t handle this. The ride started to spin, immediately pushing him into TJ. He didn’t have the chance to apologize before they were spinning so fast, he lost all sense of reason.

When the ride stopped, he was clutching TJ like his life depended on it. He wasn’t aware that TJ had wrapped his arms around him until he removed them.

“You’re not really one for roller coasters, are you?” TJ asked.

Cyrus frowned. Did it usually take this long for the harness on the ride to lift? “It’s not that I don’t like roller coasters. I just have a complicated relationship with anything that moves too fast.” He looked at the ground. “And a fear of making a complete fool of myself because of that complicated relationship.”

The harnesses finally lifted, and TJ helped Cyrus to his feet. “Who are you worried about making a fool of yourself around? We’re all friends here and do you really care what random strangers think?” 

Cyrus couldn’t answer that, because he didn’t particularly care what other people thought, but he cared a lot about what TJ thought. And the whole we’re-all-friends thing kind of got to him. He knew he shouldn’t be reading too much into that and he didn’t know what else TJ could have said, but he didn’t like the idea that TJ only considered him a friend.

They followed Buffy to a roller coaster. Cyrus ended up in the front row, sandwiched between Andi and TJ. The first time they went upside down, Andi grabbed his hand and kept it in the air. Having lost half of his grip, Cyrus grabbed onto the closest thing he could with his free hand – TJ’s hand. He couldn’t even feel embarrassed about how hard he was squeezing TJ’s hand. He was too terrified. He couldn’t close his eyes and the reds, yellows, and greens flying by him did nothing to calm him queasy stomach.

When the ride stopped, he had to stretch out his hand to release his grip on TJ. “Sorry about that,” Cyrus said.

“You’re fine. I think I’ll be able to feel it again one day,” TJ teased. He dramatically opened and closed his fist, exaggerating that he was in pain.

“Maybe you need to take a break from rides so that you can rest your hand,” Cyrus suggested. He was half joking and half serious.

“Or maybe you want to take a break from rides because you’re scared,” TJ shot back.

“I’m not scared,” Cyrus said. His voice got squeaky and high pitched, proving that he was lying.

“Great, because I know what I want to ride next,” TJ said. He pointed at the spinning ride that was close to the coaster they had just left.

“Yes!” Andi and Buffy said in unison.

Cyrus internally groaned as he followed everyone to the ride. It was called The Stomach Churner, which he felt was particularly ominous. He and TJ sat down in what looked like umbrellas. The green baskets did not feel particularly sturdy.

“Scared?” TJ asked.

“No, of course not.” Again, with the voice squeaking. Cyrus was beginning to realize he had a tell. “Okay, maybe a little.”

“Well, if it will help, I don’t mind if you need to hold on to me,” TJ said quietly. There was something strange about the way he said it, something that made Cyrus’ heart beat faster and made his stomach clench in a way entirely unrelated to his fear of the ride they were on.

“I don’t know,” Cyrus said uncertainly. He opened his mouth to try to formulate some kind of excuse, but all attempts flew out the window when the ride started to spin. Cyrus thought the last spinning ride had been bad, but this somehow felt faster and more dangerous. This time, the momentum of the ride had Cyrus squished between TJ and the side of the basket. TJ’s hand brushed the side of his and for a moment, Cyrus felt as if the world stood still. Then Cyrus grabbed TJ’s hand and the world hurdled forward full speed. It wasn’t like on the roller coaster where he had TJ’s hand in a death grip. This felt nice. Even with the world spinning past them, Cyrus felt grounded and safe. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. He even let out a joyous scream… only once, because then he remembered that the risk of throwing up was quite substantial. For the first time, he actually felt the thrill of the roller coaster. And not in an excited, he managed not to throw up kind of way, but in an actual adrenaline kind of way.

Cyrus was actually sad that the ride ended and for a moment, he just sat there. He was trying to prolong the moment when he would have to let go of TJ’s hand and let go of the moment they were sharing. It was a moment Cyrus feared wouldn’t come again. For a moment, he could pretend that TJ was interested. For a moment, the possibilities were endless.

That moment was far too fleeting for Cyrus’ liking. Eventually, he had to stop pretending that the ride had him paralyzed with fear. He had to let go of TJ’s hand and TJ scooted over so there was space between them again. That space felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Cyrus hated it. He wanted nothing more than for that space to be gone; he wanted to feel that close to TJ again; he wanted to feel that possibility again.

It seemed TJ wanted the opposite. “Why don’t we take a break from the fast roller coasters and do something a little slower to give you a breather?”

“Are you sure? I think they’re about to go on that new ride? You said you were so excited for it. You even joked about bringing an umbrella to shield you from all the people throwing up,” Cyrus pointed out.

“I’m sure. I’d like to do something where we could talk. Like the Merry-Go-Round or the Ferris Wheel?” TJ suggested as they stood up. “We can meet up with everyone else afterwards.”

“Not the Merry-Go-Round,” Cyrus said immediately. “Anything but the Merry-Go-Round.”

“Ferris Wheel it is,” TJ said with a small smile. “And you can tell me why you hate the Merry-Go-Round.” Cyrus wasn’t sure what TJ said to Buffy, but she shot Cyrus thumbs up behind TJ’s back. Neither of them spoke until they were seated in a car of the Ferris Wheel. “So is the Merry-Go-Round part of your stuff?”

“You could say that,” Cyrus admitted. He didn’t know why he was feeling so self-conscious. Buffy was right. TJ had seen him attempt a somersault about a hundred times before he actually did one and that clearly didn’t scare him away. Plus, TJ had seen him on various roller coasters today. The Ferris Wheel should be the least anxiety provoking ride, yet it had him more nervous than all the other rides put together. “I once got so motion sick on a Merry-Go-Round that I threw up in my shoe.”

TJ laughed, then covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but… if you couldn’t handle the Merry-Go-Round, how are you still standing after all of the rides we’ve been on today?”

“Well, technically I’m sitting. And I use motion sickness patches,” Cyrus explained. “I was prepared today.” He looked down. “So, you don’t have to worry that I’m going to throw up on you or anything.”

“I wasn’t worried,” TJ said softly. “You know, one of the first times I came here, I projectile vomited after jumping up and down because I was so excited to have scored enough points in that basketball game to win this giant green dinosaur. Mind you, I was like seven, but still. At least you were on a ride.”

Cyrus laughed. “I think you have me beat. That’s hilarious. You’re adorable.” He heard the words after he said them and hastily added, “I mean that sounds adorable. A seven-year-old excited about a stuffed dinosaur? So cute.” If there were proof that he shouldn’t go into acting, it was his attempt to cover that he called TJ adorable.

“Yeah, I was a pretty adorable kid,” TJ agreed. “And believe it or not, I was a good kid. I kind of forgot how to be human for a few years, but… someone came along that reminded me how to do that. I don’t think I ever said thank you for that.”

“Oh, I didn’t really do anything,” Cyrus said bashfully.

“Yes, you did. You let me in.” TJ shifted slightly so he was looking at Cyrus. He rested his hand a couple of inches away from Cyrus’. “When I was at my most dislikeable, you saw something in me and let me in.”

“Well, you made it really easy to let you in.” Cyrus also shifted. “You’ve always been very likeable to me. And you let me in as well. You’ve made me stronger and braver…” he moved his hand so his pinky was almost resting against TJ’s hand. TJ looked down at their hands, then back up at Cyrus. “Can I ask you a question?” TJ nodded. “You said we’ve done the whole letting each other in thing, I can’t help but think there’s so much we don’t know about each other.” Tell him, tell him, tell him. The words were bouncing around his head, but he lost his nerve. He couldn’t tell TJ he liked him. He hadn’t moved his hand, but nor had he given any indication that he was okay with what was happening. “Is there anything you think I should know about you?”

“Yes,” TJ said softly. He moved his hand so his pinky was touching Cyrus’. “Is there anything you think I should know about you?”

“Yes.” Cyrus felt like he might explode as they finally held hands. This was so different than the ride they had just been on. This wasn’t just possibility. This was real. Yet, he still felt a hint of dissatisfaction. He didn’t understand why until their car halted at the very top of the Ferris Wheel. He needed to actually say it. He needed to tell him. “TJ, I’m gay.” Cyrus didn’t look at him, instead he savored the moment and how he felt being at the highest point of the amusement park with TJ. Those words, which had been so hard to get out, felt so freeing. He didn’t tell TJ how he felt like he’d intended, yet he felt really proud of himself and weightless.

That weightless feeling lasted approximately five seconds and then Cyrus realized that TJ hadn’t said anything back. He hadn’t confirmed that he’s gay or even acknowledged what Cyrus had said. 

Of course, Cyrus jumped to worst case scenario. Maybe he really had built this whole thing up in his head. Maybe he’d read too much into TJ’s signals. Maybe this was a friendly hand holding. Cyrus had never done anything like this with Jonah, who was easily his best male friend, but Cyrus was by no means an expert on what other guys did with their friends. He wasn’t sure if he should let go of TJ’s hand or what exactly they were supposed to do right now, but he was certain that the second half of the ride was going to be the most awkward and uncomfortable moment of his life.

“Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m truly honored that you shared that with me and that you trusted me enough to tell me that. And I know what you want me to say. But…” Cyrus felt his heart drop to his stomach. He could feel tears forming in his eyes and he’d never hated his tear ducts so much in his life. “I’ve never said it out loud.” TJ’s voice dropped to a whisper. “At least not to a person. And I’m really sorry, but I don’t think that I’m ready to say it. Not because I’m worried I’ll outgrow it or anything like that and not because I’m not sure, but because I don’t want to be afraid of myself when I say it. I want to be ready for people to really see me before I say it. What I can say is I like you. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I’m sorry I can’t say more than that. I’m sorry I’m not as brave as you.”

Cyrus chuckled, but not because he found that remotely funny. Mostly, he was relieved. In his wildest dreams, he never thought he’d hear TJ say he liked him. “I get it. It took me a long time to come to terms with it – I even had a girlfriend, because I didn’t know what to do about the fact that I had a crush on a boy. And you’re only the fourth person I’ve told. But Teej? You don’t need to apologize. You told me you like me. That’s very brave. I like you too.”

They sat in their cart, goofy smiles on their faces, hands entwined until they reached the ground. It was with reluctance that they separated. Maybe they hadn’t specifically talked about it, but there was some unspoken consent that they weren’t quite ready to broadcast their feelings for each other to the entire world.

They ended up running into Andi and Buffy at one of the food kiosks after they got off the Ferris Wheel. Cyrus and TJ were weirdly quiet as they ate and before they knew it, it was time to leave.

They barely had a chance to talk, outside of texting each other random emojis and “hi” back and forth an embarrassing amount, until that Friday.

“Do you want to go on a date?” TJ asked as Cyrus put the books he wouldn’t need over the weekend in his locker.

“Uh…” Cyrus said. He was half convinced he imagined TJ’s question. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. It would be such a big step for them. “A date?”

“Yeah. A date. You know. Me. You. Doing something together,” TJ said with a smile.

“I think I’d really like that if there’s nothing physical involved,” Cyrus said. “So maybe no basketball or running or walking, if we could even avoid that.”

“I was actually thinking more so staying in? Maybe watching a movie or something?” TJ suggests. “I don’t want you to think that I’m ashamed to be seen with you or anything, but…”

“But going on a date is a big step,” Cyrus suggested. “A step that you’re maybe not sure if you’re ready for. Especially until you tell your parents.”

“Exactly,” TJ said. “You get me.”

“I wasn’t just talking about you,” Cyrus admitted. “I want to take this part slow. And I want us to be on the same page. That’s what I learned from Andi and Jonah. We need to be on the same page. And I need to tell my parents. It’s surprisingly hard to tell shrinks that you’re gay.”

TJ nodded. He glanced around. There number of people had significantly dwindled after the bell rang and he wasn’t embarrassed to be with Cyrus, but he wanted to be able to come out in his way and not by chance because they were somehow overheard. He grabbed Cyrus’ hand and they ducked into an empty classroom. “I think maybe we should really talk about all of this. I’m new to this. I don’t usually talk about stuff like this, but I guess you’ve always been that person for me, huh?” TJ sat on a desk.

“Well, I have four shrink parents, so I think it’s in my blood,” Cyrus said. He sat on a desk next to TJ.

“On that note, maybe we’ll do my house?” TJ asked with a nervous chuckle.

“Oh, my dad isn’t going to analyze you or anything, at least not unless you want to talk to him about your problems,” Cyrus assured him. “But I’m also cool with going to your house. You haven’t beaten me at pool in a while.”

TJ laughed. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?” TJ confirmed.

“Yeah,” Cyrus agreed. He was already distracted by something else.

“Don’t sound so excited.” TJ studied Cyrus, trying to figure out the sudden change in his mood.

“Oh, believe me, I’m excited! Like probably an embarrassing amount, but I’m too excited to really care if it’s embarrassing. We’re going on a date!” Cyrus said enthusiastically.

“But?” TJ prodded.

“But this is a big deal and all I want to do is tell Amber and Buffy,” Cyrus admitted.

“So?” TJ asked. He couldn’t follow Cyrus’ thought process right now.

“I didn’t know how comfortable you’d be with that,” Cyrus explained.

“Well, about as comfortable as I am knowing that you told them about Adrenaline City. If you trust them, I trust them.”

Cyrus looked at the ground. “I… didn’t tell them about Adrenaline City. Well, I did tell them I had a crush on you, but I didn’t tell them about anything on the Ferris Wheel. You’d really be okay with me telling them all that?” Cyrus looked at TJ amazed.

TJ couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Cyrus hadn’t told them. He’d assumed that they would have found out that night. This explains why he hadn’t gotten any weird talks or looks from them. He’d thought that was a little out of the ordinary for Buffy and Andi. “I thought the three of you told each other everything. What are you so nervous about?” He asked.

“You said you weren’t ready to have people see you,” Cyrus pointed out.

“I don’t know that that’s exactly how I said it.”

“It is. I remember it specifically, because the next thing you said was that you liked me so that entire ride is forever embedded in my brain. I felt like a story book character. Like Cinderella without the lost shoe,” Cyrus said dreamily.

TJ stifled his laughter. “Are you calling me your Prince Charming?” He briefly posed with his hand on his chin trying to go for rugged or handsome. He wasn’t sure. He was pretty sure he was making a fool of himself, but the smile that lit up Cyrus’ face made it all worth it.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens next in our story to find out.”

They sat in the classroom a few more minutes before they left.

Despite TJ saying that he could tell Buffy and Andi, Cyrus couldn’t bring himself to say anything before their date. Or after their date. Or anytime in the next four weeks. Part of him wanted this to just be his thing for a little while. It made things so much less complicated to not have Andi and Buffy influencing what he said to TJ or how he thought about their dates. Not that he thought they would be a bad influence, but there’s something to be said for him figuring things out on his own.

Sure, he felt guilty. With every movie, every game of ping pong, every time he or TJ just sat in one of their living rooms and talked for hours, Cyrus’ guilt grew. He knew Andi and Buffy were going to feel so betrayed when he finally told them, but there was something so pure about him and TJ having something that was just theirs. 

But it got to the point where he couldn’t hide his euphoric mood from his friends. “Do you want to tell us why you’re so happy?” Buffy asked him one Saturday afternoon at the Spoon.

“Should I not be happy?” Cyrus asked uncertainly. He didn’t realize until Buffy called him out on it that he’d been staring at the wall with a huge smile on his face. He didn’t even know what they’d been talking about. He’d picked up a baby tater and had gotten swept away thinking about TJ. 

Just the night before, they’d ordered baby taters and had taken them back to Cyrus’ house. They’d spent the night asking each other questions and throwing tater tots into the others’ mouth when a question was answered. He’d thought he’d known just about everything there was to know about TJ, but now he knew that there was so much more to him than he ever thought possible. They’d talked about some carefree stuff. About what TJ’s name actually stood for; about their most embarrassing moments; about their favorite jokes. And then they’d talked about some really serious stuff. About what it was like when Cyrus came out to his parents and how he hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to come out to two different sets of parents; about a turning point in TJ’s childhood where he’d started believing that he was either the best or he was nothing and how that had really shaped how he treated people for a long time. And then they talked about some random stuff. About silly, irrational fears; about best ice cream flavors; about where they’d go if they could travel anywhere.

In Cyrus’ opinion, it had been their best date so far.

“It’s not that you shouldn’t be happy, but we should know why your smiling while Andi is telling us she might not go to high school with us.” Buffy was staring at him like she was trying to deconstruct his expression.

“Wait, what? Are you moving?” Cyrus asked. They suddenly had his undivided attention.

“No, but there’s this special high school – it’s like a magnet school for art and Bex thinks I should apply. She says that thing I made at school is real art and I don’t know. We went to see the school last weekend and it just feels right. I probably won’t get in. I don’t even know if I’m going to apply. But I wanted to know what you thought about it.”

“And I told her that I think it’s great! That I’m really sad at the thought of not being at the same high school with her in a few months, but this seems like an amazing opportunity. Then we asked you what you thought about it, and you were smiling at the wall. So, would you like to tell us what you were thinking about or are we supposed to guess.” Buffy leaned back in her chair and looked at Cyrus expectantly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell you all about TJ later,” Cyrus said dismissively. “You’re going to go to art school?” Cyrus couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. It was a kind of happy and sad smile all at the same time. “Andi, that’s great! I’m so happy for you. And sad. And scared of facing high school without you. And a little terrified about the look Buffy’s giving me right now. And confused, because you’re smiling at me like that. I’m feeling a lot of things right now. Make it stop.”

“Did you say you’d tell us all about TJ later?” Andi asked. She couldn’t contain her smile.

“Did I?” Cyrus squeaked. “I don’t remember. I think we were talking about Andi. And art school.”

“Yeah, Andi might go to art school. Oh look, we’re done talking about it. Tell us about TJ,” Buffy prodded. “You’ve barely talked about him since we went to Adrenaline City.”

“Um… yeah. Well… about that.” Cyrus realized he really should have thought about what he was going to say. He’d had weeks to plan this moment. But he hadn’t, which is probably why he hadn’t said anything yet. Cyrus felt like he was going to throw up. He hadn’t even been this scared when he’d first admitted to Buffy that he had a crush on Jonah. “I don’t know exactly how to say this.”

Buffy and Andi shared a confused look. “Tell us,” they said in unison. 

After a minute, when Cyrus still hadn’t said anything, Buffy threw a baby tater at him and watched as it bounced off his forehead. He barely acknowledged it. “Speak now!” she ordered. “You’re starting to make me nervous.”

“I’m making myself nervous. Look, I need you to not make a big deal about this. I don’t even know what this is yet. TJ and I may have gone on a couple of dates… sort of. If hanging out at our houses counts as a date. I don’t know. I’m a little fuzzy on that. I mean, he keeps saying it’s a date, but it’s kind of stuff that I would do with you guys.”

“You’re dating TJ?” Andi and Buffy said at the same time. 

“How long has this been going on for?” Andi asked.

“How many dates?” Buffy prodded.

“Are you guys boyfriends?” Andi asked.

Buffy looked at Andi and then back at Cyrus. “Are you?”

“Have you kissed him?” Andi looked like she was about to open a Christmas present.

“Have you?” Buffy echoed. She was practically on the edge of her seat.

“That’s a lot of questions,” Cyrus said quietly. “We’ve been hanging out more and more since Adrenaline City when… when TJ told me he liked me. Like liked me, liked me. God, it’s still so surreal to say those words out loud. TJ Kippen likes me. I can’t believe it.”

“I believe it. He’d be crazy not to love you,” Andi assured him.

“Woah, woah, woah. Let’s hold those horses. We’ve only gotten to like to each other a lot. Let’s not push it,” Cyrus said quickly. He didn’t know what label to put on him and TJ, but he absolutely was not ready to call it love.

“Okay, so if you’re not at love, are you at boyfriends?” Andi asked.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. And before you ask again, no we haven’t kissed.” Cyrus could hear the longing in his voice.

“But you want to.” Buffy didn’t say it like it was a question, but she didn’t need to.

“You have no idea. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life,” Cyrus admitted. Maybe it was dramatic, but he also felt like it was the truth. Especially over the last few days, every time Cyrus saw him, he couldn’t get his mind off of it.

“So, kiss him,” Buffy said like it was the most obvious thing.

“It’s not that simple,” Cyrus muttered.

“What did you do when you kissed Iris?”

“Uh… I don’t know that I kissed her. More so, I was awkwardly rambling and she kissed me to shut me up. Besides, this is so different.”

“How is it different?” Buffy knew she sounded frustrated, but she couldn’t help it. Sometimes Cyrus was his own biggest obstacle.

“Because it’s TJ. I don’t want to kiss him and then realize that I don’t like him,” Cyrus said.

“No, that’s not it. Your voice got all weird like it does when you’re lying. What are you really afraid of?” Buffy pressed.

“You’re not afraid that you won’t like him after you kiss him. You’re afraid he won’t like you anymore, aren’t you?” Andi asked quietly. It was the only thing that made sense to her. “Just like what happened when you kissed Iris.”

Cyrus nodded. “Things are going so great; I’m having so much fun with him. I just… I don’t want it to stop.”

“But you don’t want it to stay exactly the same either,” Buffy pointed out. “Cyrus, at some point, you have to find it in yourself to do what you want. You can’t keep hiding behind your fear.”

“I know. And when I’m with him, I don’t feel afraid. At least, not of myself. I think I’m afraid of losing that feeling of not being afraid.”

“I think that makes a lot of sense. It’s so scary when you don’t know what’s going to happen, but I also think that you need to decide what you’re more afraid of. Losing him or never really being with him,” Andi said quietly

“Wow Andi. I have chills,” Buffy said, showing Andi her arm. “Where’d you get that from?”

“Actually, I got it from Cece. She said it once when we had one of our movie nights,” Andi explained. “She hated when characters in a movie made decisions to protect themselves that also inhibits them. At the time, I just kinda laughed with my pops about it, but now? I think this is what she meant. You have a choice. You can hold yourself back and stay where you are with TJ forever. Or you can take a chance and know that it doesn’t have to end badly. And that maybe, you, Cyrus Goodman, can get exactly what you want this time. Maybe you can get what you deserve.” Andi looked at Cyrus. “Are you crying?”

“I’m not crying, you’re crying,” Cyrus choked out.

“Why are you crying?” Buffy asked.

“Because I feel so incredibly lucky to have the two of you in my life. You guys are literally the best. TJ’s not the only one that makes me feel brave and strong. The two of you have always been my rocks. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner.”

“Yeah, why didn’t you?” Buffy asked. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

“It just felt really nice to have something that was just mine and TJ’s,” Cyrus tried to explain. “I wanted to be able to do things my own way with him and figure some things out for myself.”

“That’s so stupid,” Buffy said at the same time that Andi said, “I totally understand what you mean.”

Buffy looked at Andi. “You understand what he means?”

“Yeah,” Andi said with a shrug. “When I was with Jonah, I didn’t know what I felt because I couldn’t separate what I was really feeling and what I felt because we’d been building it up to something more than what it was. When I finally took a step back and took time to really think about what I was feeling, I realized that, while I love Jonah, I love him like a friend. It was something I needed to figure out on my own. I think that’s what Cyrus needed to do with TJ.”

“Yeah, I love you all, but we do complicate things so much,” Cyrus agreed.

Andi got a mischievous smile on her face. It didn’t take Buffy and Cyrus long to catch on. “Just another service we provide,” they all said in unison. Their laughter extinguished whatever tension had been building between them and they got back to their baby taters and milkshakes.

They stayed at the Spoon for another hour until Cyrus’ phone buzzed with a text from TJ: Come over? 

Cyrus looked at Andi and Buffy guiltily. “It’s TJ,” he explained. “He asked if I wanted to come over.”

“Go,” Andi said. 

“Are you sure? I can tell him I’m here with you guys. I don’t want to be the guy that ditches you to be with TJ,” he told them sincerely.

“We’re sure. I have to head out soon anyway. Bex and Bowie wanted to do a family thing tonight,” Andi said.

“Yeah, go. Tell TJ we say hi,” Buffy encouraged.

“Thanks guys,” Cyrus said with a huge smile. “You’re the best.”

“Text us later. Let us know how it goes,” Andi says excitedly.

Cyrus rolled his eyes as he stood up and left. He quickly texted TJ. On my way.

It didn’t take him long to get to TJ’s. When he did, TJ was sitting on the steps with a basketball in his lap.

“Cy!” TJ said excitedly when he saw him approaching.

“Hey Teej,” Cyrus said back. He looked at the basketball nervously. “Did you just finish some practice?”

TJ stood up. “No. I just knew once you got in the house, I wouldn’t get you to leave. I want to teach you how to make a basket.”

“You’re joking, right? I’ve played basketball in gym. We don’t need to do this,” Cyrus said nervously.

“Come on. Don’t tell me you don’t want to be able to say that you actually made a basket,” TJ pointed out.

“Sure, there’s a lot of things I’d like to say. I’d like to say I’m going to be six feet tall one day. I’d like to say that I can run a mile in under 17 minutes. I’d like to say I’m not afraid of lawn flamingos. And sure, I’d love to say I have the hand eye coordination to make a basket, but I’m never going to be able to say those things and I’m okay with that.”

“Or… we can cross at least one of those things off the list,” TJ pointed out. 

“What brought this on?” Cyrus asked. “You’ve never cared about my aversion to basketball before.”

“And I still don’t. But yesterday when I asked you what you wanted most in the world, you said you wished you were able to do some of the things other people could do. You said you didn’t want to change who you were, but you wished that you would stop getting in the way of yourself trying things. You specifically brought up that you’ve never made a basket, because after you air balled once, you were too embarrassed to ever try again. Well, now it’s just you and me. Nothing to be embarrassed about. If you really don’t want to do this, then we’ll go in and put on a movie. I just… I figured I can’t help you with all of your stuff, but this? This is my area of expertise; it’s something I could help you with.” TJ looked at the ground. Cyrus couldn’t help but stare at him. He looked so cute when he was nervous. And he actually looked like he thought Cyrus was going to say no.

“Fine. But if I don’t make a basket tonight, we officially get to give up on this ridiculous notion that I can be remotely athletic,” Cyrus pointed out. He followed TJ to his backyard where his basketball hoop was set up.

“Okay. I’m going to pass you the ball,” TJ said.

“I am not going to catch it,” Cyrus warned.

TJ walked towards Cyrus so he was only about a foot away. “I think you will.” He threw the ball gently and sure enough, Cyrus caught it. “See, I told you so.”

Cyrus grinned. “I feel like a basketball player already. Can we go in now?”

“Nope,” TJ said simply. “Not take a shot.”

“I don’t like your shorts,” Cyrus said.

“Really?” TJ asked. He looked down at his shorts.

“No, not really. They’re adorable.”

TJ grinned. “Thanks. Now take a real shot.”

Cyrus shot the ball and missed the basket by several feet. TJ turned to catch the ball and stayed facing his house so he could compose his expression. He didn’t mean to laugh, but Cyrus hadn’t even gotten close.

“Okay, we’re going to get a little closer to the basket,” TJ said. His voice was still shaky.

“Are you laughing at me?” Cyrus asked. He was laughing too.

“Yes?” TJ said it like a question. “We’ve just got to work on your form. Come stand here.” Once he had Cyrus positioned, he had him pretend like he was shooting a basket. “Okay, so one, maybe keep your eyes open.” TJ handed him the ball and moved his arms so he was in the position to shoot the basket. With every basket he missed, TJ moved him a little closer to the net.

And then it happened. It was what felt like his fiftieth attempt; he jumped and threw the ball. It bounced back and forth on the rims of the basket several times and finally went in.

“Yes!” TJ said. “You did it!”

Cyrus opened his eyes. “I did it?” He confirmed. “I did it!” He started jumping up and down. “I did it. I made a basket!”

He and TJ chest bumped and then Cyrus looked up at him and realized just how close they were standing.

TJ had a triumphant grin on his face and had this nervous glint in his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Cyrus asked uncertainly. “You look worried about something.”

“You’ve been so great about giving me my time and not pushing me to move faster than I’m ready to. I came out to my parents this afternoon,” he said quietly.

“How’d it go?” Cyrus asked.

“I don’t know what I was so scared about. I thought things would be so different and like they’d never look at me the same, but the first thing my dad said was, ‘great, but you’re not getting out of emptying the dishwasher’. They’d already suspected and were just waiting for me to tell them,” TJ said. “And it’s like once I told them, I knew exactly what I wanted.”

“And what is that?” Cyrus felt like his chest was getting tighter and he wasn’t sure if that was from his nerves or from all of the extra exercise TJ got him to partake in.

TJ’s hands slowly found his and Cyrus hoped his palms weren’t too sweaty. “I want to be able to tell you officially that I’m gay.” TJ’s voice was shaky.

Cyrus couldn’t help his smile. “Cool.”

TJ squeezed his hands lightly. “And I want to be able to show you how much I like you.”

“Well how are you going to do that?” Cyrus asked cluelessly.

“Like this.” And then he did it. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Cyrus’. It only lasted a second, but that was long enough for Cyrus to know that all of his concerns about this kiss were completely unfounded.

Cyrus froze. It was so different from kissing Iris. He’d thought that was what kissing was. You know, like just touching lips and then not touching lips. This wasn’t like that. His stomach was doing a better somersault than he’d ever managed and for the first time, he wanted more. He wanted another kiss or one of TJ’s giant hugs or even to know that this wouldn’t be the last time he felt like this. Because this feeling? It was unlike anything. It was safe and it made him feel cared for and maybe Andi was right and there was a little bit of love mixed in there.

“Did I do something wrong?” TJ asked.

Cyrus shook his head. “No. Sorry. I just didn’t know kissing could feel like that. That was perfect. Can we… can we do it again?”

“I’d like that.”

Their second kiss was a little longer than their first and when they parted, Cyrus held TJ like a lifeline. For a moment, he closed his eyes. He didn’t know what was going to happen between him and TJ. They were still in middle school and they still had four years of high school ahead of them. The things that could come between them were multitudinous, but for the first time, Cyrus had faith. He believed that maybe, just maybe, he and TJ would be able to face everything that came their way.


End file.
